It’s easier to walk away than to fight for what we really want.
I rode a cab on my way home and I felt sad, again. My brain filled up with things I really want to do in my life, what I want to be. And yes I realized how things change. Then my eyes became teary, and the cab driver might saw it cause he kept looking in the mirror just to check out on me. So as soon as I got home I went to my parents’ room, good thing my mom was the only one there and waiting for me. She saw me not in my usual happy mood. I then burst out how I wanted to leave the Philippines soon. I was crying while telling her how desperate I am to leave and how I want her to keep on reminding my sister not to get married yet so I can leave soon next year. And she asked, “Ba’t ka ba nagkakaganyan?”; I answered, “Ayoko na, ma. Gusto ko na talaga umalis. Ayoko na dito. Seryoso. Kung pwede lang ngayon na.” She held my hand and said, “Nik, hwag kang magmadali, darating naman yun e. Hintay lang. Alam ko may mga bagay na wala sa plano pero kakayanin mo yan alam ko.” I couldn’t find words to answer, I just walked out and as I close the door I repeated, “Ma, ayoko na talaga dito. Gusto ko na sa malayo.”
Seriously, I dunno what’s happening to me these days. I always taught of leaving soon, as soon as possible. I want an escape, to what? I don’t know. To whom? I don’t know, either. I just really don’t want to be here anymore, and this is a serious matter :|
