All the happiness you ever find lies in you.
Hello people. I’m really sorry for being MIA for the past few months and I’m hoping I could get back soon in time. For now, I just want to vomit out words I really wanted to share with you guys.
So for the past few months, my life has been a roller coaster. Yes, full of ups and downs. Well, I know, everybody’s experiencing it too, right? Anyway, have you guys ever felt that you were almost suicidal? Yes, I thought about it somehow, just thought about it. The story is, there was this guy I met, who I used to like so much. Like, literally, I mean, he’s the only guy I felt I am sure of. I never wanted a boyfriend until I met him. We texted. We talked. We dated. We hung-out. We held hands. We hugged. We kissed. We slept together. We enjoyed each other’s company. But, not anymore. :(
I was hurt, I was torn, I was broken. I hated every part of me. I hated so much what I became, and what he became especially. I fought every single day only to save what we have but then I failed. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He threw everything away. I gave up on him. And I can’t do anymore but cry. I cried every fucking night since September to sleep. I prayed every fucking night since September that when I woke up in the morning he’ll call me or text me and apologize. Every day his memory haunts me. I miss him every day. I want him back so bad. I got tried. I became miserable.
Yes, I smile, but I wasn’t really happy. I went out with friends, I became happy for a certain moment but then after a few hours, I felt sad again.
But you know, the good thing is, I can say now that I know how to love. I mean, I believe I fell in love with him. I fell so hard yet he wasn’t good enough to catch me. But then, I was thankful. He taught me how to love. He taught that I was really capable of loving someone. Aside from my family and friends, of course. I felt really happy with him. He’s the best guy I had. Believe it or now, 4 months ago I wrote something about him which is still on my draft. I wasn’t able to finish it because everyday, I added something on it. I wrote what was he like, how sweet he was, how impressive he was, how he made me feel special, everything I like about him, everything. Guess, I have to delete it now, I don’t want to remember every details of it anymore. I’m done. I’m moving on. I want to be happy.
For now, I’m starting to love myself more, I’m picking every pieces of me and putting it all back together. I’m trying so hard to find the happiness I lost after I lost him.
I thank God for holding me tight. He never fails to let feel that He’s there to my every downfall. And now, I feel really blessed.
Aristotle was right when he said, “Happiness depends upon ourselves”. People, we should be happy for ourselves, we should not depend our happiness to others. Cause when they left, they’ll took away our happiness too. Love yourself and be happy. I’m here, as a friend, I’ll help you and The Lord will never leave you.
